Any spiritual advice for a unfaithful man with an unfaithful wife who wants 2 work it out but I don't?

I'm 47 years old; my wife Sharon is 50. We've been married for 24 years and we have two children in college, ages 19 and 21. I admit, I've been cheating on her for about 20 years. My most recent affair was in July. Sharon caught me cheating about 5 times during our marriage but I was always forgiven. And I loved her for that. Sharon was my heart and in a way, she still is. I must have cheated on her with at least 30-40 different women these past couple of decades. Even though I continued to ';think with the wrong head';, my conscience was still eating at me because Sharon seemed to be such a good wife.





But last week, I got a phone call from Robin. Robin is married to one of Sharon's colleagues(a guy named Joe) at the company she's worked at for 20-something years. Robin told me that she discovered an affair that her husband was having with my wife for 9 years....that I was totally unaware of! I didn't want to believe her but when I confronted Sharon about it, she told the truth. So, I got angry, I yelled, cursed and said I wanted a divorce and then I left. Right now, I'm staying at my mother's house and I still didn't get the rest of my things yet.





Sharon keeps calling me, crying and apologizing but I'm too hurt. You may call me a hypocrite but it's not that simple. Whenever I cheated, it was just about sex. My ';whores on the side'; knew their place and they knew I was a married man with NO plans of EVER leaving the woman I pledged my life to. So, if they still decided to sleep with me, that was their problem. I never developed feelings for these women, the affairs were very brief and then I'd move on the another one.





But Sharon has been screwing Joe for NINE YEARS! She MUST be in love with this man if it lasted that long with the SAME person. And the most disrespectful thing about her affair is that I'm familiar with this man and his wife. Whenever the company had a function or a party, Sharon would bring me and Joe would bring Robin. They would smile in our faces knowing that they're sleeping with each other behind our backs. Do you know how insulting that is?! Sharon has the nerve to remind me of all the times she forgave me for cheating on her. Again, I didn't fall in love with any other woman. I KNOW she's in love with Joe and she can deny it if she wants to. That doesn't sit well with me and I think divorce is the best choice. It's sad because Sharon was a good wife and a good friend to me. We were a team. We paid bills together, we talked to each other, we made love often, we raised two kids...the list goes on. As a Christian, I should forgive my wife but I can't find it in my heart. Hell, I can't even pray about it.





Now, am I being a hypocrite? Or if you put yourself in my shoes, would you understand where I'm coming from?Any spiritual advice for a unfaithful man with an unfaithful wife who wants 2 work it out but I don't?
Welcome to karma.Any spiritual advice for a unfaithful man with an unfaithful wife who wants 2 work it out but I don't?
I have no particular wish to be offensive to you, but I think you need something of a kick in the ***. I think you're being monumentally stupid. You believe, because you've only managed to love one woman that you've screwed, that a woman should only love one of the men who makes love to her. You think, apparently, that it's impossible for a good woman to love two men. And -- let's have a little introspective honesty here -- your ego has been assaulted. You feel you've been made an ***. And it's largely for the sake of your ego, and because you feel a fool, and also because you didn't see it happening around you, that you want to cut off the good you've enumerated of your relationship, add to your own pain and your wife's, probably add to the pain of your children ... it is not a rational reaction.





As a matter of fact I do understand where you're coming from but that makes me all the more certain that you're wrong. You and your wife have broken one of the vows you made one another when you married -- the one about fidelity. Why make that the reason for breaking all the other vows, as well? And don't tell me you can't find forgiveness in your heart: forgiveness is an act of the will, not an emotion. One forgives under onslaught of pain -- and then the pain diminishes.





Whatever you decide, I wish you some kind of healing from this.